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Nasty People: How to Stop Being Hurt by Them without Stooping to Their Level, by Jay Carter
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Fourteen years since its first publication, the bestsellerNasty People has been revised and updated to cover the motivations of nasty people, how to avoid confrontation with a nasty boss, how to handle a nasty spouse, and much more, including:
- How to break the cycle of nastiness
- A new understanding of personality disorders and depression
- Narcissism, nasty behavior, and self-doubt
- Nasty people and self-validation
- The role adrenaline plays in nasty behavior and our responses to it.
Everyone knows a person who has been hurt, betrayed, or degraded by nasty individuals or has experienced it themselves. In three books, Jay Carter, Psy. D., shows readers how to stop this cycle of overt and covert abuse, without resorting to nasty tactics. Now for the first time, this series is released together to cover all areas of dealing with difficult people. With straight-talking advice, real-life anecdotes, and psychology that makes sense, Carter explains how to handle and stop painful behavior that harms both the perpetrator and the victim.
- Sales Rank: #61327 in Books
- Brand: Carter, Jay
- Published on: 2003-05-26
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.20" h x .40" w x 5.50" l, .36 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 105 pages
From the Back Cover
Surefire methods to neutralize the nasty people in your life
Have you been hurt, betrayed, or degraded by a nasty person? Perhaps it's your boss, your parent, or your spouse. Whoever it is, he or she is an invalidator who feeds on your self-esteem, mental anguish, and unhappiness. But you can stop this cycle of abuse and put an end to sneak attacks on your soul--without resorting to nasty tactics.
In this updated bestselling guide to staying sane while dealing with difficult people, Jay Carter, Psy.D., calls upon decades of practice and observation to offer proven strategies for avoiding toxic relationships. With straight-talking advice, real-life anecdotes, and psychology that makes sense, Dr. Carter gives you the surefire tricks and techniques you need to:
- Identify the invalidators in your life
- Protect your sanity
- Use humor to get out of the blame game
- Conquer self-doubt
- Stop invalidating yourself
- Confront emotional bullies
- See the bigger picture
- Reclaim the captain's seat of your soul
About the Author
Jay Carter, Phsy.D., DAPBS, is a psychologist who has treated couples and women for decades. The bestselling author of Nasty Men and Nasty Women, and a sought-after motivational speaker, Dr. Carter has made numerous appearances both nationally and internationally. He has also been a guest on "Larry King Live" and "The Montel Williams Show."
Most helpful customer reviews
22 of 22 people found the following review helpful.
Great Book for Anyone Who Is Living on Earth
By deelee82
While I was drawn to this title in desperation after having a coworker try to ruin my career and sanity with gossip, this book is actually good for anybody and everybody. The best part of this book was when the author directed certain readers to another book (Codependent No More) prior to going further in his book. That was a great suggestion for me, and I feel like I wouldn't have gotten the full effect of this book without reading that one first. The author explains the complicated nature of invalidation and gives the reader tools to a) keep an invalidator from invalidating you; b) recognize the invalidator in yourself and understand not only why you get like that but what you can do to stop yourself; and c) learn to have some measure of healthy compassion for the invalidators you come across.
I spent 90% of a three day weekend on these two books. I can say that, after trying unsuccessfully to handle stress, anxiety and depression through multiple attempts with medication, food, alcohol, etc - that I have felt more calm, happier, and more "present" than I have, maybe ever. I also have no anxiety about going to work tomorrow. The thoughts and memories of previous insults, bullying, abuse, and even little slights (as well as things I've said and done myself that were invalidating to others) seem to come up in my mind like they always do, but I've been able to see them for what they were and calmly put them to the side. It's too soon to really tell how this will change my life or anything, but I'll know the next time I'm faced with a difficult situation (probably tomorrow, haha).
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
How to break a cycle of Mean and how to not slip into the cycle yourself.
By apoem
When I was a teenager dealing with teenager type people and struggling with some bullying, my mother pulled this book off of her shelf and gave it to me. I found it incredible that someone else knew exactly how I was feeling and what i was experiencing. At that time I read it to learn how to deal with mean people. Later as I grew older I would turn to this book in various situations- at work, with a husband that I finally divorced and so on.
Now as I am raising my own children and they are struggling with situations that are similar but think mom knows nothing- I am passing this book down to my children.
What I really like about this book is that it is also about looking at yourself and being sure that you don't slip yourself into the cycle by how you react to situations. It helps you be aware of why you might be considered mean by others and provides you an alternative method of handling situations.
This book is short and sweet.You can easily sit down and read it in a day or two and start putting into your life some of the skills it suggests. I also appreciate that this book doesn't get into the 'why mean people might be mean' analysis. It doesn't get into the 'why do you let mean people pick on you' analysis. I also appreciate that it doesn't really get into a lot of long stories and specific examples. This book keeps things simple, explanations are easy to understand, examples are brief and to the point. The vocabulary is creative and easy to remember.
In short, this is a fairly simple to read, easy to understand book about a huge topic. Because it is short, easy to read and easy to understand you can spend your time concentrating on how to handle various situations rather than trying to remember what the author said about this or that or the other.
I have bought several of these books. I have passed them on to people that I see struggling with similar situations that might find help in this book.
I strongly suggest that this book can be helpful provided it is read and put into use. Well worth the money. Enjoy.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
A Seminal Work for Everybody
By PS
Despite its relative brevity, this book is packed with very illuminating information about the insidious and destructive tactics used by all of us when in a less-than-healthy place emotionally. Of course, the author makes allowance for the truly egregious offenders, those who set out to wreck the psyches of other people. Most important, he describes general ways, with a few specific examples, of how to effectly disarm such people and take your sanity back. I appreciated the author's acknowledgement that there isn't a "one size fits all approach" to dealing with nasty people. Nevertheless, he points you in the right direction and arms you with the tools you need to cope. Bravo!
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